I don't believe in fairy tales. i don't.i don't - thinkerBelle
I am every facet of livid in the dictionary. It’s as if I’m incarcerated in the middle of V while the two I’s acts as wardens, and I am not allowed a moment’s reprieve. I wish for euphoria in this bleak space or even just a spark of hope. In this supposed melancholy place, I seethe with rage. I would’ve traded this for ennui even. That oblivion of boredom is more benign compared to thoughts of him (blood gushing out of a hole ive made while I see his face contorts in a frown. Losing color then losing the ability to stand. And then ill laugh while his life scatters away to the winds.) Yes, I am that insane. I am that needy of vengeance. I do not know who she is. This girl that ive become.
“all you’ve ever did was wreck me” – wrecking ball
And all these hurt and shame and abomination for you has covered me in bruises. A black and blue patchwork that covered my arms and legs and heart, mocking me with their existence. Reminding me to hate and hurt every single fucking day.
It’s like trying to breathe at the verge of a panic attack
like wanting to scratch an itch while shackled
like wishing for laughter at a love one’s funeral
like abstaining to eat a bowl of rice after starving for 7 days
like a 100 on a pain scale of 1 to 10.
Hurt and hate. Hurt and hate. Side by side. Parallel to each other. Hate and hurt and every single fucking day.
And then there was superman who’s not a hero anymore…
“we used to be best buddies, and now were not.
I wish you would tell me why” – do you want to build a snowman
I am livid upon seeing superman’s blocked FB account. My used to be best friend dismissing me without any explanation. I am baffled why it happened. Did I do something wrong? A gf who doesn’t want him to be friends with me? Is this a prank? A facebook glitch? Or am I just an annoying disturbance that he bid good riddance with just because he can? It’s a mystery to me and a whim to him. I never thought best friends also breaks up. Ive been too dependent of his availability and his willingness to listen that when he got tired and flew away, I couldn’t do anything but stare up the sky.
Superman, what happened?
I can almost hear a tiny voice begging for the answers to the whys.
I need you. I need my hero back.
As I utter these words, I passed by a mirror and saw a ghost girl. The dark rings under my eyes prominent, in contrast to the paleness of my cheeks. A livid fat girl if you may. Lifeless through and through. A cadaver who rose from the depths of hell. My separation anxiety kicking in, as people get up and leave.
Each taking a part of my soul.
But wallowing in the murky pool of self-pity will not solve anything. People leave because of a thousand reasons. The only one who stays are the constants in your life. I am through with suffering fools.
No more stocks lessons. No more breakfast in bed silog style. No more yosi at mcdo afterhours edition. Or talking to that lady in the ministop counter. No more giving out yosi to vagabonds and street kids. No more whole day English lesson. No more beb or superman. But then again, no more being cheated on. No more feeling stupid. No more waiting for 2 hours then just being told to just go home because you have somewhere else to go to.
So I also bid goodbye to those fools who’ve made me a fool.
Let’s be awesome wherever we are.:)
Here is a piece entitled "Ang Huling Tulang Isusulat ko sayo" by Juan Miguel Severo. The poem we'll listen to as we bid goodbye to those fools. Click the link below.